Show Me A Daughter That's Bursting Into Life

She was loved the minute I found out I was pregnant with her.
It was a peculiar feeling, but one I would treasure forever.
Once I saw those two dark pink lines my heart stopped.
This is the moment I had been waiting for since I was a kid myself.

In my heart I am a mother.
That is who I have always been.
Whether it was babysitting, or taking care of my nieces and nephews.
Kids were always going to be apart of me.

Now, as unexpected as it was, I was beyond thrilled for my little bundle that was growing inside of me.
"Yep it's positive!" I hollered out.
My poor husband, nineteen years old, ghost white, and about to embark on fatherhood.
Let me just tell you this secret he wasn't too keen on the idea of kids anyway, he wanted them just never early.

I tried to hide my glee, but it was just bursting out.
My own little baby.
That night I called everyone I knew.
Reflecting back that probably wasn't the smartest idea, but I was too excited.

As I lay in bed that night I did not think of all the things I would be missing out on, in fact, I was thinking of the enormous journey of headaches, kisses, annoyances, laughter, crying, and tear wiping I would be doing.
It wasn't something I had planned for myself that early, but I wasn't going to cry about it either.
It is my desire to be a mother.
My ovaries burn when anyone announces a pregnancy (whether I want a baby at the time or not!)

It didn't take long for me to dig into What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Reading all these things about Dr. Appointments and what not stressed me out.
I had to make an appointment...what if baby wasn't okay?
What was baby...a girl or boy?

Not long after my looooong visit to the DHS office was I accepted onto the TennCare program.
I found a Dr. quickly and was excited, but super nervous about my first visit.
As we both sat nervously in the waiting office I glanced around at all the pregnant faces.
Boy they all looked so miserable, and here I was, the dumb fool, smiling like a kid on Christmas.

"Wipe that smile off your face!" I said to myself in a rather stern tone of voice.
I can do this.
My name was called.
I was free from looking at misery and onto the excitement that is baby talk.

I had to take all kinds of blood tests, answer questions and pee in a cup.
Not what I expected for a first visit, but I did it all as happy as can be.
I mean come on I was pregnant!
Nothing could break my spirit.

As I entered the room that's where I began to understand the misery upon all those pregnant faces.
"Undress from the waist down!"
I was mortified.
"But uh doesn't that only happen when the baby comes?" My brain would just not shut up!

As I waited impatiently and most uncomfortably for the Dr. I was trying to distract myself from thinking of anything but being half naked on a table.
My Dr. arrived.
Quick and easy.
In and out.

To the ultrasound room since I wasn't exactly sure of conception they wanted an idea of how far along I was.
I slipped back into my clothes and waited again in a separate lobby area.
Not terribly long I was asked to come back.
And undress again...oh the embarrassment!

It felt gooey.
It was cold.
It was very uncomfortable.
I just kept my eyes forward, on that screen.

A flutter.
What was that?
Was that it?
My heart began to race.

I saw my baby.
They explained everything to me and told me how far along I was.
EIGHT WEEKS!
Oh my! I was beyond thrilled.

Even through all the embarrassment I left there with hearts in my eyes.
I may be biased but that was the most beautiful ultrasound I had ever seen.
Heck, I even had pictures to prove it.
I called everyone I could think of to notify of my little babies progress.

The glow wore off and I began the morning sickness stage.
Anything and everything turned me off.
My stomach churned at the smell of popcorn.
I hurled at the mention of McDonalds.

Sleep and throwing up was about all I did the rest of the first trimester and halfway into the second.
I was miserable.
All those pregnant faces from the Dr. came back to haunt me.
No one wonder they looked like they were about to pry that human out of their bodies.

I was in school at the time all this was occurring and thankfully my professors understood and let John turn in all the work I did at home for me.
The only thing I had to show up for was the exam, which I did, thankfully, puke free.
I aced the courses and didn't even want to think about school again.

I remember one particular night as that little baby was growing inside me I was just sitting in my bed, tears streaming down my face, puking my guts out.
The bile. Oh that nasty bile.
John was giving me sprite after sprite, pill after pill, but that baby wasn't having it.

I promised myself then I was NEVER EVER having another baby!
As the morning sickness subsided John and I decided to find a better place.
After all who dreams of bringing a baby into an apartment?
I wasn't and I didn't.

The big day finally came.
Boy or girl? Pink or blue? Kylie Jade or Gavyn Michael?
I crossed my fingers and my toes and held my breath as she poured the blue goo all over my belly.
"you must've eaten something yummy your baby is sticking it's tongue out!"

"OH MY GOSH SO PRECIOUS!" I was craning my neck to see...
Penis or vagina. Which was it?
She was having some trouble getting the baby to cooperate.
Come on baby I NEED to know.

She poked and prodded me, but that little stubborn butt would not uncross those legs.
The baby got frustrated and began to roll over.
Gotcha.
It's a baby GIRL!

Tears sprang from my eyes immediately.
John was beaming...a daddy's girl.
The ultrasound technician looked at me like I lost my damn mind.
But how could it be a girl? I mean I knew in my heart she was, but where was my momma's boy?

I sulked around for days afterwards.
Why was it a girl? What is so damn special about little girls?
I was going to be broke trying to dress her up.
And I wanted a boy...what the hell was I supposed to do with a girl...cheerleading and makeup were not my forte.

The longer I went knewing she was my little girl the easier it became.
I was getting excited.
We finally found our house and sealed the deal.
First room to do, baby girls.

I enjoyed shopping for colors and picking out the bedding and all the things that baby entails.
I knew she was coming home to a great place.
As I was growing I was becoming more impatient.
Would she hurry up and pop out now?

AS the day approached I began to get nervous.
Left and right people were having their babies and I wasn't nearly prepared.
I had already had my baby shower by that point all that was left was the baby.
I was nesting, I was folding and refolding, cleaning out the corners by the baseboards.

One day as I lay on the couch I felt as if an elephant were sitting on my chest.
Was this normal?
I lay my hand upon my belly and felt the familiar kicks and punches.
Okay she was fine.

I looked down at my hand.
OH MY GOSH THEY LOOKED LIKE SAUSAGES!
My toes and fingers were blue.
We called the Dr. and I was seen right away.

After a very painful Dr visit I was told to take some miralax and lay down and nap (what the hell did they think I had been doing?) DUH NAPPING!
Got home wussed out on the miralax but laid down and fell restlessly back to sleep.
BAM! I couldn't breathe again.

My hands and fingers were bigger than ever and were blue again.
My brother rushed me to the dr again (as John went into work) and I was seen again.
After another uncomfortable visit where I was stripped from the waist down and having fingers shoved up places I didn't want them they announced I was dilated 2 1/2 cm.
My blood pressure was up (of course ass hats you checked for blood pressure as you were checking for dilation!)

I was sent on my way to Erlanger Medical Center downtown.
I was on my way to having my baby.
"John, you're about to be a daddy!"
I sent the text beaming all the way down the elevator.

My brother and I made a quick stop to get John on our way to the hospital.
It was May 29th 4pm when I was checked in.
I was nervous.
I mean wouldn't you be? A huge baby was about to come out of my vagina and I wasn't nearly prepared.

She wasn't even due until June 1st.
I got in the hospital bed and an IV (which took four freaking times) was placed in my hand.
I was hooked up to all sorts of machines and gadgets they explained each one, but I couldn't hear them because my heart was pounding in my ears.
She was coming...she was coming.

The contractions began to get worse.
I was being pressured from all corners of the room.
JUST TAKE THE DAMN DRUGS.
I did and I flipped the crap out.

I was crying and shaking.
A needle was placed in my spine.
Not long after I was out.
I needed the damn rest.

I was awoken by my water breaking.
Was not pleasant, but at least we were progressing right?
Every time they came in I felt more miserable than the last.
Why haven't I had the baby yet?

Day quickly turned to night which, in turn, progressed back to day time.
May 30th and I still haven't had her.
"What is going on!" I wondered.
Nurses were in and out.

I kept getting checked and rechecked progress was slow.
Everyone was getting anxious for baby girl to come, but I was still nervous.
I was checked once more.
It's time to push!

Five twenty rolled around and I began the first round of pushes.
The Dr. was stationed down south my mom and husband on either side of my head.
I pushed and pushed and pushed with all my might.
Tears were streaming down my face.

Oh my God it hurt.
Why is it hurting? Didn't I get the freaking epidural.
As I pushed I glanced at my bag...
Wouldn't you know it was EMPTY.

I went through all that pain with the damn needle and they didn't even have the decency to refill my drip bag.
Boy was I pissed.
My face was red and puffy, eyes blood shot, and I couldn't stand the pain.
Was my vagina ripping in half?

"She's crowning!"
"Keep pushing!"
"Don't hold your breath!"
"I SEE HER HEAD!"

Everyone was screaming.
My eyes were shut tight.
I was holding my breath...then something amazing happened.
My brain turned off and I couldn't hear ANYTHING.

It was silent.
It was just me and the baby that was hanging halfway out of my lower half.
I pushed. I held my breath and I PUSHED with all my might.
The Dr. snapped at me. "You're not doing it right!"

"SHUT UP DR.!" I gritted my teeth and pushed with all my might.
She popped out.
I saw her for a brief moment and she was swept away.
The Dr. began stitching.

With every stitch I cringed, but where was my baby?
People were crowded around her and I was jealous.
I just pushed out a baby for twenty three minutes (she was born at 5:43 pm) and everyone else was enjoying her first coos.
Wasn't long and she was in my arms.

Tears started streaming my face.
This is Kylie Jade?
She was beyond anything I had ever imagined she would be.
Perfection. Beautiful. And she was mine.

I can't exactly describe to you everything I felt the moment I looked in her eyes.
It was a magical feeling.
I knew, from then on that I was her world and she was mine.
As I rocked my beautiful brand new little girl I didn't care what I had said before.

She was worth every second, every stitch, every painful push.
And looking into her big, beautiful blue eyes.
I knew in my heart that I would do it again.
Because the love of a mother NEVER ends.

John and I awaiting the arrival of our daughter 

Me and mine

My little girl

My mom and I

Punk rock princess

New kicks 

Family photo

Me and the princess

Adorable girl

Sitting up all on her own

Happiest baby ever

Tuckered out from all the crawling she was doing

Love that face and her dress

Cool kids on the block

My independent little cutie

Getting ready for her first birthday

Growing like a weed

A year and a half

2nd birthday

2 and a half

Three years old and ready for the discovery museum

Three and a half

Four years old

4 1/2 and cute as can be

And here she is Diva in all ways!