Unreliable

My body is not my own. 

Or that’s how I often feel. 

I won’t transform into a butterfly. 

Something so vivid and beautiful. 

Untouched. 

Wild flowers handpicked with love.  

My garden overgrown.

Stuck in the space between past and reality. 

Undone. 

Two damaged hearts finding each other.

Transformation.

One beat.

One breath. 

An inward battle constantly fought.

There’s always gotta be a loser.

Incomplete.

My thoughts run on for someone else to mock.

Do you even hear me? 

Can you even see me?

We once thought we would conquer the world.

We couldn’t even conquer the turmoil within. 

Can’t numb this fucking feeling. 

No amount of regret will help. 

Unreliable. 

Everything you’ve ever known about me. 

Is a lie. 

Unleashed. 

The damage is done. 

Panic

 Dark spaces. 

Trapped.

 Loss of control.

Body shaking.

Breath catching.

I feel like I’m six feet under.

I’m gonna die tonight. 

Losing sight. 

Flying high.

There’s nowhere to turn.

Nowhere to go.

Hanging off the edge. 

You shoved me over. 

I think I just may die tonight.

On the Outside

I’m Worn. 

Hoping for a different outcome.

I’m broken.

Hiding it to the best of my abilities.

I’m tired.

But I have to keep going.

I’m lost.

Just hoping to find my way.

I’m afraid.

Things haven’t come easy.

I’m changing.

Things are better left unsaid.

Beach days

Waves crashing 

Building sandcastles 

Shrieks of laughter  

Sun-kissed skin 

Rays of light 

Hazy clouds 

Kites in the wind 

Shoveling sand 

Dogs splashing 

Smells of sunscreen 

Salted water 

Matted hair 

Beautiful children 

Setting sun 

Tide rolling 

Sandcastles falling 

Waves tumbling 

Laughter fading 

Beach days 

She sets the world on fire

She writes in her hateful notebook. 

How many ways can you tell the world to fuck off? 

If the world didn’t give a fuck about her why should she push herself to care about the world?

An act of kindness is lost as the world expects a thumbs up for every good deed that is done.

Her spirit is bursting with rebellion as she paints the walls black.

The flames lick the tips of her fingers as she sets the world on fire. 

Everyone around her is toxic. 

A poison that needs an anecdote that only she carries.

Her hateful thoughts pour into each line of once blank notebook paper.

Cursing the world for this feeling. 

Her heart pours empathy but her mind is caged.

It didn’t matter anyway she wasn’t gonna change.

Was never told she hung the moon.

Never believed there was a rainbow inside. 

 

She’s gonna set her soul on fire. 

She will climb the mountain bare handed and as she reaches the top…

She sets the world on fire with a scream of triumph. 

No one ever believed she could… 

But she did it anyway.