Standing at the beginning of a fork in the road I had to decide which path I should take. On the left side a sign reads: "Dead End!" But there is no end in sight. It is beautiful, blooming trees, flowers along the pathway, and it is straight. It looks to be an easy path and it is so bright and deceiving. I turn to my right and it is dark, twists and turns, uphill and downhill, boulders blocking the road and flashes of lightening and noisy thunder exploding through the sky. On that sign it reads "Redemption!" This is how my Christian journey has been, one side represents denial, rejection, anger and fear while the scary path represents redemption. Redemption is what my soul yearns for, but the path looks exhausting, overwhelming and downright frightening.
You see, I am a planner, and I don't like unexpected twists and turns. I like easy and being able to see one foot in front of the other. The problem with this is God doesn't really care about my planning, He cares about my destiny. He does not make the path to redemption easy, nor should He. I know, in my heart, I'm going to take the path that leads to redemption, but it doesn't mean I am not scared. I have had to climb mountains when I am scared of heights, I've had to put out fires when they start to become uncontrollable with huge flames, I've had to move boulders when sweat was running down my back and I couldn't feel my body as I leveled my breath and heaved it out of my way, but I know that redemption is near.
Before I felt my purpose in life I started down the wrong path. You know the beautiful one that looks so easy and fulfilling? It wasn't. I allowed fear to control me, I fell so many times and succumbed to the pressures of the world. I stepped into unforseen quick sand and struggled to get out. Pulling and fighting til I sunk deeper and deeper in the hole I willingly walked into. It wasn't pretty and I finally gave in and looked up and accepted that I can't do it alone. I can't do it by myself. And with a snap of His fingers I was lifted up and set on the "scary" path. My feet were shaky, my breath short, but I took the first few steps blindly and felt His hands guiding me.
Is the way my life turning out the way I planned? Far from it, but I do know fully well it is God's plan. This time, though, I'm not running, not stumbling, but following blindly as God leads me through. I don't know what is around the next turn and whether it will be uphill or downhill or me moving boulders and branches out of the way, what I do know is that I'm fully relying on God to lead me where He wants me to go next. I can rest easy knowing that if I stumble and fall He will pick me back up, dust me off, and hold my hand through the prickly thorns.
I will never be alone. God chose me for His purpose and I want my girls to see me fulfill this purpose. I want them to look back on their childhood and remember their mother was love. I want them to see that their mother is redeemed and that God loves her so. I want them to see me stumble, but I want them to see me get back up and continue on even when it is difficult to do so.
Lord,
Help me continue to follow You. Help myself and my girls to see Your bigger plan. Please surround us with people who will bring us closer to You and to grow in our relationship with You. Help us to see Your love through the difficult times.
I want to pray for those who have taken the "Dead End" path. I pray you bring them home and that you will use me as a tool to show Your love through the trying times. Help me to be love even when I struggle to be.
In your name I pray,
Amen.
