A Piece Of My Heart Is Gone...

I miss her.

She's only been gone less than 2 days and I can't stand it.

I know tonight will be another rough night because her not being here feels empty.

I miss her hugs, her kisses, her snuggles, her sweet little voice.

You never know how blessed you are until the norm because chaotic. 

Tonight I feel for those who have loved and lost.

All those little faces from the school shooting come to mind.

I am missing my baby for 2 nights. They are missing theirs forever.

One thing I can never fathom. 

How does a mother function after her baby has passed?

My miscarriage was hard enough without actually seeing and touching my babies.

I cannot put it in words...the pain.

For every mother who has held and kissed and it was taken away.

I pray for you. 

Your strength. 

Your will to keep moving. 

A couple years ago my friend from high school fell of Signal Mountain. 

Not a day goes by that I don't pray for her mother (her father is also passed).

The pain that mother must feel every holiday, every birthday. 

It can be masked but it will never completely fade. 

I know I sound like a big weeny since my daughter is Four and half (quickly approaching the big FIVE).

But she is my baby. And if you have a baby and you have a special bond 2 nights seems like 2 weeks. 

Her laughter and bubbly spirit is definitely missed around here. 

She is my angel, my little glimpse of heaven and when she's missing a piece of my heart is with her. 

My MIL sent me this picture of Kylie Jade singing and shopping.

Now onto a happier note...

I have enjoyed the precious time spent with my 20 mth old baby girl. 

Her laughter is contagious and when she smiles it lights up a room. 

She has these adorable toddler expressions that I want to squeeze out of her.

And the attitude...well it's just plain funny. 

I have gotten to see what Madilyn would be like as an only.

And I gotta say it's SO QUITE!

She has thrown way less temper tantrums.

My girls egg each other on...what sister doesn't? 

The tiny pitter patter of her feet as she runs across the floor...I remember those sounds from when Kylie Jade was a baby.

The adorable way she says "Stop it mommy." Or "I want eeaaattt." 

I can really hear her without sister screaming at the top of her lungs. 

And boy oh boy the cuddles. The smell of baby toddlers. 

She has been so incredibly amazing. 

My mother took us out to dinner and she sat and ate didn't make a friggin peep. 

She is my little angel, a sweet reminder of the world above. 

Her hugs are contagious I just wanna squeeze her oh she is precious!

I cannot believe in 4 measly months my toddler baby will be an even bigger version of what she is.

I am not ready for twos. 

I was just pregnant...

Wasn't I? 

Eating her cheese itz and hot dog 

watching mommy beast at dr mario

time out with my favorite baby 

Yeah she's pretty much a mini me 

I realize how truly blessed I am to have 2 beautiful girls. 

They are my light.

They are my reason for wanting to continue (and John of course).

They make me see the world differently...and I never want to lose that.

I guess I am getting all nostalgic because I know the end of this chapter is nearing. 

Birthdays always make me so happy for their new accomplishments and lets me look forward to new things.

But at the same time I want to hold onto every moment I have.

I grasp and I pull but they are gone before I even blink.

These are the short years they will solely depend on me.

They are slipping by. 

I know pretty soon they will be gone completely.

I just hope that we remain close for years and years and years...and always. 

I love my girls.

They know they have my heart.

And when they are grown and gone...my heart will be carrying on right along with them.

They will know...they will understand...and in a blink of an eye their worlds will change.