Or maybe perhaps this isn't the old me.
My head is clouded with all the things I long to say.
But nothing makes sense anymore.
Maybe it never really did.
I feel a sense of loss tonight.
And I can't shake the feeling.
Heavy breathing on my left and emptiness on my right.
I can try and piece together what I was anticipating.
Failure lingers too heavy for me to bare.
Anger boils my blood and I know it's for the very reason I get sick to my stomach night after night.
I'm starting to think that maybe this is me now.
Washed up, forgotten, second to last.
Again.
Because I've never been number one to anyone before.
It's distasteful on my part really.
To Let my heart get all vulnerable.
That's what happens when you let your guard down.
I let my guard down.
Again.
Damn I feel stupid.
I feel so incredibly numb that I don't even cry.
Why would I want to anyway?
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.
I've grown apart from myself.
I just long for a familiar scent.
Maybe intimacy.
Or maybe just a listening ear.
It's been well over 24 hours since I've last slept and all I can do is chug down another cup of coffee.
At least it isn't booze.
I could just stare at my reflection, but today I don't need the shame.
Tomorrow I'll do better, but who am I kidding I say that everyday in hopes one day it will be true.
I've fallen and for once I'd like for someone to help me glue back the pieces.
They don't fit anyway.
This isn't me.
Maybe it never really did.
I feel a sense of loss tonight.
And I can't shake the feeling.
Heavy breathing on my left and emptiness on my right.
I can try and piece together what I was anticipating.
Failure lingers too heavy for me to bare.
Anger boils my blood and I know it's for the very reason I get sick to my stomach night after night.
I'm starting to think that maybe this is me now.
Washed up, forgotten, second to last.
Again.
Because I've never been number one to anyone before.
It's distasteful on my part really.
To Let my heart get all vulnerable.
That's what happens when you let your guard down.
I let my guard down.
Again.
Damn I feel stupid.
I feel so incredibly numb that I don't even cry.
Why would I want to anyway?
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.
I've grown apart from myself.
I just long for a familiar scent.
Maybe intimacy.
Or maybe just a listening ear.
It's been well over 24 hours since I've last slept and all I can do is chug down another cup of coffee.
At least it isn't booze.
I could just stare at my reflection, but today I don't need the shame.
Tomorrow I'll do better, but who am I kidding I say that everyday in hopes one day it will be true.
I've fallen and for once I'd like for someone to help me glue back the pieces.
They don't fit anyway.
This isn't me.
