My Not So Perfect Parenting Day

Red face, clenched fists, an open mouth you just know she's screaming at the top of her lungs.

Sometimes I can feel the hair turning gray upon my head. 

I close my eyes and breathe in and out, that's about all I can do when my toddler throws yet another successful all out, punch you in the stomach, temper tantrum. 

I feel release, silence...has she stopped screaming? No, false alarm, she just had to take a minute to gather more air for an ear splitting screech. 

When I look down at her puffy red eyes and snot dangling from her nose I realize she's not even two yet and she has pulled out all kinds of maddening emotions from me. 

I pick her up and loudly exclaim to anyone listening "this child is driving me crazy!" It's all I can do to keep myself from ripping out every hair follicle from my head one by one. 

I wish I could tell you that I had some heart melting moment about looking at her puffy eyes and red cheeks and I felt like the mother of the year with my shushing sounds and iconic hug, but nope that is not at all what happened. 

I patted and patted trying to calm down a child I feared Satan had overtaken. 

Flinging and wailing in my arms I was shushing and patting; neither were working. 

In a desperate attempt to hear anything other than wails I set her down and walked away. 

Her chubby little legs beating the ground as she screamed after me "mooooommmmyyyy mooooommmyyy!" 

Being called mommy at that moment made me cringe. This was my child and I had to face that reality. 

I closed my bedroom door and breathed in and out. You know most parenting books or magazines that happily exclaim to set your baby down and walk away to calm your nerves...yeah I call bullshit on that method. 

I could still hear her as if she was in front of me...of course she was on the other side of the door banging desperately for me to hold her, love her, comfort her as only a mother SHOULD know how. 

I paced my room back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. All the mommyisms running through my mind. 

It's so hard to try and be the perfect parent...I can say I was NOT that day.

I flung open my bedroom door and hollered out into the living room. 

"PLEASE JUST ONE MOMENT OF SILENCE!" My oldest child was rocking in the rocking chair, watching Disney Jr. so intensely I could swear she didn't hear any commotion coming from either one of our mouths. 

My youngest looks up at me with those big, brown friggin' most adorable puppy dog eyes and I just slumped onto the couch, arms spread and could do the only thing I knew to do hold her screaming mess of a self. 

After the tantrum, that seemed to last 4 hours straight, had ended she fell down from exhaustion and I limply picked myself up and scrounged up a pacifier to lay her down for a nap. 

I guess my point to this post is not everything is sugar and sweet. 

I know a lot of my posts I write about how wonderful it is to be a mother, when reality is, it can be mother freaking hard sometimes. 

As I closed her door to her, thankfully, sleepy snores I found the strength to do lessons with my oldest. 

In the back of my mind I knew I could have handled the situation differently, but sometimes you just have to scream with your child. 

I know with my every being THIS, being a mother, is what I am meant to be. 

I have never doubted that.

I am here to say though, that it is not a walk in the park. 

So some who say staying home is super easy, you got another think coming. 

I wish I could say I was the perfect parent, but I do make mistakes often and I just have to remember that everyone does. 

No matter how perfect someones life looks over a screen remember they have their days too where everything in their life is falling apart...even their children! 

Oh and you want to know what she was screaming about for, literally, 45 minutes?

She wanted to sit in a chair, by herself, with a blanket,  but the chair she wanted to sit in was the chair her sister was ALREADY SITTING IN! Yep that's my irrational toddler for you! 

Until next time...

Okay had to show a few pictures of my growing weeds to kinda show you what we have been up too (aside from the tantrum throwing).

My strong little booger

My beauty queens all snuggled up watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (see she does share...sometimes)

Foot licker

Birthday Shirt and Bow

Kylie Jade all ready to skate

Her new gymnastics class walking backwards (with help) on the 3rd highest beam

My princess enjoying the sunshine

My sweet booger butt

Little booger bear

Better picture of her bow (so sad that her shirt has a 2 on it!)

My little beauties