What do I even title this?

It's 5:45 am here and I haven't been to sleep yet so bare with me.

Sometimes I feel like I am in control of every little aspect of my life and I have this plan, you know? Like, I know exactly where I am going and what I am doing. Is it possible for someone to come along and just completely change your plans? Like, someone you absolutely didn't expect to change how you feel? 

Like, do you ever second guess yourself so much you literally become so embarrassed because you're like overthinking or overanalyzing? Does anyone else do this? Do you notice body language or lack thereof? Do you think maybe everything has a meaning?

Like, okay, I was pretty deadset on, like breathing and soul searching and whatever all that other bullshit you tell yourself you're going to do. But maybe it's, like way too soon to wonder where I am going. Although I really feel like today everything is just different. And how the hell am I supposed to know if it is? Uuuggghhh.

I know it doesn't make any sense and I know I'm rambling, but it is seriously 6am and we actually had some fucking snow so maybe I'm feeling a little...words words...I'm not good with words. 

I am just feeling big. My emotions are big. My mind is racing 1,000 times faster than it should be and I can't type fast enough to get all the words written in black and white.

Just maybe this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Confused...pretty confused...