When did life get so complicated?
I have learned a lot through these young years. I have learned to apologize for the mistakes I have made (and will continue to do so in the future from the mistakes I will continue to make!) I have learned that I am not always right, that my children need someone to lean on, and that when they hurt...they HURT!
I have learned, through King David in the Bible, that being a passive parent is WRONG. Yes, I said it. IT IS WRONG. King David was absent in his older children's lives and he parented passively. He didn't set boundaries. EVER. His daughter, Tamar, got raped by his oldest son, Amnon because of this. Children will never set boundaries, that is why God has called us to parent our little spawns. They are sinners, they are selfish, and they are one track minded to please themselves. It is our job, as parents, to say "no." Children should not be allowed to make up the rules for this reason. They need consistency. Rules tell the child that they are loved. I am not saying go all drill sergeant on them, but realize that children thrive on those routines, consistency, your love.
Children need discipline. God has called us, as his children, to discipline with love. Don't beat, abuse, or hurt your child to make a point. There are ways to discipline with love. I have failed at this a lot. Sometimes it is easier to scream "BE QUIET!" or "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" When those little boogers won't stop fighting, arguing, and picking on each other. I have to hold my tongue quite often and realize that I need to step back away from myself when I get the urge to freak out. God called me to discipline the children He gave to me in LOVE. I always try and back track in these lost moments to apologize for the wrong that I did. I need them to see me fail. I am human, I will make mistakes, and I will continue to always make mistakes, but I don't have to repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over again. God called me to discipline in LOVE.
Plenty of passive parents are active in their children's lives, but many are not. We are called to be active in our children's lives. That does not mean our world has to revolve around them and every breath I breathe has to hang on their very presence. I am called to care about my children. Whether it be when they are hurting and need me to console them, or to celebrate them in times of celebration.
When they hurt I need to hurt for them. I have been bad about saying "you're alright" or "don't look at her when she's hurt because she will come running to me and it's no big deal." HURT! She's hurting and I am her mother and she SHOULD be able to run to me in times of distress. Whether it be emotional or physical it is my duty to wrap my arms around them, hurt with them, cry with them, and help find a solution. I want my girls to know that I am always there for them. King David was not there. When Amnon raped his daughter, she was hurting, and he let her go. She ran to live with her brother Absalom because her absent father couldn't console her. I need to learn from David's mistakes passively parenting, and being absent is NOT what God called us to do.
Reconcile with your child. They need to know when they make a mistake you will always be there. When Absalom killed his brother Amnon because of what he did to their sister. Absalom fled. King David had the correct emotions in wanting his son to come back and make forgiveness, but he chose to do NOTHING with it. His son rebelled and King David lost Absalom to war. Life doesn't have to be like this. It is wrong. I am no better than my children. I make mistakes, I fail, I fall, I hurt just like they do. Children need to know that you are proud of them and love them. They thrive off of that feeling. I need my kids to know that they will always have my heart. I do not want to halfheartedly forgive. Saying things like, "I forgive you, but I will never trust you again." This isn't right. That isn't forgiveness. We are to forgive as we have been forgiven. It is our duty to show our children that we will take every opportunity to fully forgive and reconcile with them.
Children need us to be there. Every parents role is to listen, to advise, to love, to reconcile, to forgive, to discipline, to console and to BE THERE. They need you. Children desire your presence and approval. They seek it. They thrive from it. Many parents do not do this. They throw things at their children and expect it to be enough. Things ARE NOT enough. THEY NEED YOU!
If there is anything I have learned today it is to say no to the unreasonable requests, get to know my children's friends (because we all know that friend influence can help our children grow or hurt them in the long run), and to constantly be there in every way for them. I do not want to be a passive parent I want to be an active parent.
I am no better than you. I have given in when it was easier. I have laughed at their hurt. I have been absent when they needed me most. I know I will not always be the best me that I can be, but I hope my children know that I died trying.
Make today count because tomorrow is no guarantee.
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