On the Outside

I’m Worn. 

Hoping for a different outcome.

I’m broken.

Hiding it to the best of my abilities.

I’m tired.

But I have to keep going.

I’m lost.

Just hoping to find my way.

I’m afraid.

Things haven’t come easy.

I’m changing.

Things are better left unsaid.

Beach days

Waves crashing 

Building sandcastles 

Shrieks of laughter  

Sun-kissed skin 

Rays of light 

Hazy clouds 

Kites in the wind 

Shoveling sand 

Dogs splashing 

Smells of sunscreen 

Salted water 

Matted hair 

Beautiful children 

Setting sun 

Tide rolling 

Sandcastles falling 

Waves tumbling 

Laughter fading 

Beach days 

She sets the world on fire

She writes in her hateful notebook. 

How many ways can you tell the world to fuck off? 

If the world didn’t give a fuck about her why should she push herself to care about the world?

An act of kindness is lost as the world expects a thumbs up for every good deed that is done.

Her spirit is bursting with rebellion as she paints the walls black.

The flames lick the tips of her fingers as she sets the world on fire. 

Everyone around her is toxic. 

A poison that needs an anecdote that only she carries.

Her hateful thoughts pour into each line of once blank notebook paper.

Cursing the world for this feeling. 

Her heart pours empathy but her mind is caged.

It didn’t matter anyway she wasn’t gonna change.

Was never told she hung the moon.

Never believed there was a rainbow inside. 

 

She’s gonna set her soul on fire. 

She will climb the mountain bare handed and as she reaches the top…

She sets the world on fire with a scream of triumph. 

No one ever believed she could… 

But she did it anyway. 

Shame

 What else is out there waiting for me? 

This can’t be it. 

This can’t be life. 

This can’t be my life. 

Day after day.

Same after same. 

Dull, bored, nothing. 

I don’t feel a thing. 

Cut after cut.

High after high. 

Is there anything else out there? 

Any risks to be taken? 

Wandering alone as the night falls. 

Running, screaming, laughing, anger. 

No weakness. 

No tears. 

No turning back.

Step after step.

Dreary, hopeless, nothing. 

I tumble.

I crash.

I’m headed nowhere.

Nothing to prove.

No one to follow.

Empty, broken, bored.

Come back down to earth.

Everything’s the same.

I still feel nothing.

Trapped inside my head

Will I ever move beyond the mistakes I have made? 

I fall short time and time again 

Will my failures always define me? 

Will I ever find my way? 

There’s no way out 

Trapped inside my head 

Fighting to be heard 

Demanding to be seen 

Aching…

Breathing… 

And off I go 

Is there life after death? 

Anybody waiting for me? 

I disappeared in the night 

Screamed…

And nothing changed 

Will I always feel this pain?

Determined to fill this hole?  

I’m my biggest danger to myself

Wandering alone in the night

Searching…

Is there life after death? 

Or…

Just darkness