Confessing My Weakness

On rainy nights such as tonight I can feel the weakness in my soul.
For most of my life I've played the bitch not giving an inch and not letting anybody in.
It's exhausting spending most of your days angry at the world.
I stew in my own misery.

I've tried so hard to do my best raising my girls to be everything I wasn't growing up.
I chose the private school life so my daughters would gain independency away from their mother.
As a previously homeschooled child I couldn't tell you how many times I dreamed of being normal and being in school and having normal, not so sheltered, friends.
I'm doing my best by how I have learned to manage this cruel world.

I still have some of that high school anger boiling inside.
I look at the world and all I see is red.
The memories haunt me, but they fade with time.
I can be so unreasonable and I know what I want from myself, from my spouse, my friends, my family and when it doesn't go the way i have planned...well sometimes I just lose it.
Life isn't supposed to be controlled only one knows what the future holds, but to let go is hard.

I am weak.
I am sad.
I am tired.
I am worn.