On the inside : Time Is A Gift

Being an at home mother vs. a work out of the home mother definitely has its ups and downs.
Downs being they are together so often the fighting is CONSTANT, my youngest tends to need me from 7am to around 8pm (only with an hr of nap in between), finding things to entertain in the cold weather is scarce.
The Ups being I get to be the teacher and kind of help them learn through everything we do, I have seen Kylie Jade blossom since she isn't being switched from teacher to teacher with too many kids crammed into a classroom, I have seen Madilyn grow from a needy toddler to branching out and trying new things, I have time to do the things I loved and have forgotten I did, I have time to work out (and don't have an excuse not too) and best of all I am here. For everything. That is the way it is supposed to be.
When my children aren't trying to rip each other's heads off I have seen them grow a stronger bond.
Kylie Jade will gently lead Madilyn around talking to her so lovingly as if she were a fragile doll, and Madilyn bringing Kylie Jade things she needs (example she got of the shower and touched the floor and said "Mommy my feet are cold!" And Madilyn ran off and brought back her socks and house shoes!) they have really grown a lot closer.

My husband and I have grown closer because we actually get to see each other.
Not many know that we were on the verge of divorce (and when I say on the verge I mean he had his shit packed and a lot of his stuff was at his dads).
I have gotten to see a side of my husband that has been buried for several years since he and I always worked opposite shifts.
Now that I no longer have the stress of work on my shoulders my husband and I were able to mend things and fix the things that were broken...and even though it IS hard it is fixable and we realized we didn't want to give up on each other because, for the longest time, each other was all we had.

Now that Kindergarten for my oldest is nearing, I find myself scrambling to pick up all the pieces of her childhood I have missed and even though I felt she was in the best of hands when she was younger (we loved Primrose!) I will never regain those hours she spent at a daycare facility.
My kids are my life...I know some of you feel that I am standing on a pedestal and acting holier than thou, maybe it's because you feel inferior or perhaps because you long for a baby and have not been able to receive it.
Whichever way it is know that when you become a parent your heart is literally carried outside of your heart, a piece of it goes wherever they go.
I never could treasure my time with them because I was constantly on the go and by the time I got home I was so wiped out from working I could barely hear them and no ones childhood should ever be like that.

I feel like I have become a stronger person because of it.
Do I miss working at times sure do I loved what I did when I had competent workers (which not surprisingly) didn't happen a lot I always got these piece of shit coworkers who never knew how to properly change a diaper standing up or had no idea what was appropriate for a three year old to be learning...I guess once you worked with a Dawn Mosely no one would EVER compare!
Sometimes I miss the cute faces of some of my old children (Addison F love her).
But at the end of the day I am happy with the choices I have made.

There is nothing like watching your kids love each other with an unbreakable bond.
Nothing like having your kids be each others best friends.
I gave them time to get to really know each other.
And I think that was the best gift possible.

So when it comes down to it, at the end of these sometimes unbearably long days, I feel so very blessed to be home with my two beautiful children and my husband.
Because time with them is everything that matters to me.