Abandoned

 One ugly weed amongst the most magnificent flowers 

Always overlooked, stomped all over 

Bent

Never broken

Growing in the middle of beauty 

I’m an oversight 

Finally plucked, discarded never measured up to all that beauty 

Forgotten, rotting, wasting away 

Thought I could suck all that beauty 

Take what wasn’t mine 

In the end I lie alone

Forgotten

Abandoned 

Alone

Down Below

Fuzzy brain and out of ideas 

Tell the shrink what she wants to hear 

Cut one deeper

Like the trauma on my sleeve 

Cut one deeper 

Like the shadows in my dream 

Falling, never quite reaching below 

Chasing my shadows 

underneath me 

Fuzzy brain, wounded heart

Heaven is so far from here   

Pulling off the petals one by one 

So far from where you started 

Keep inhaling, let it seep in your lungs 

Don’t worry about tomorrow 

Give zero fucks about today 

Let the promises hold true for another day 

Cut one deeper 

The damage is done 

Trapped

 As the color of rainbows bursts from within

At glance just one lonely flower amongst the weeds

I can’t break down these barriers in front of me 

Floating high life’s miserable touch 

Below I see all the things I was supposed to be

Can’t shake the pain of this rejection

Falling so far

My feelings are like glue 

Stuck, no fun, a mess within

All the things I said I’d never be

Stick on the inside 

I found an escape

Make sense of it all

Despite who I said I’d be 

I’m just one lonely flower amongst the weeds

Trapped 

Love is such a tender thing

Love is such a tender thing with it it brings joy, happiness, pain and sadness. You go through life being told you have to find a 'mate' to love and that is the most important thing, but they never told you what being apart from the one you love most can do to your heart. Have you ever experienced the ache so deep that it brings you to your knees? Not been able to move because the sadness overwhelms? Felt like you were walking drunkenly because your view was so distorted? Being ripped from the very thing that tethers you to reality is not for the faint of heart. You mask the pain through smiles, and with the 'I'm fines' they wouldn't care how deep the scars go anyway. Running, running, running as far as your legs will take you just so you can feel something again. Only to turn up empty when you collapse. Fists pounding the walls to mask the screams. The terrifying feeling of coming out short handed. The bad habits you find yourself involved in because you’re trying anything to forget the hurt. It hurts all over again mistake after mistake. Nothing can fill this emptiness. This void. This loneliness. This anger. One more cut, one more drink, one more flaw, one more mistake. Be mad at my failures tomorrow. Love is such a tender thing.

Grief

The hardest part, for me, is that the grief hits out of nowhere and it’s like a dagger in my heart. 

Oh, the emptiness I feel hits like a wave of darkness. 

The anxiety leaves me sleepless. 

I just wonder if it ever stops hurting. 

Will my soul ever rest? 

Have to keep going. 

Have to keep breathing.

Have to believe there is more. 

Grief comes like a thief in the night. 

To steal my very soul.