The routine of making lunches and snacks, making sure back packs are prepared, clothes laid out for the AM so we have less fighting is making my head spin.
Sundays are cut short with excitement/dread of the next day ahead.
I force a smile on my face and begin my monotonous duties as a mommy.
As they are growing I am realizing more and more that me, Maria, is slowly fading into chores, kissing boo boos, cleaning, and driving the kids to school and activities.
Myself as a person is fading away and I hate that I spend my nights rather bored and exhausted from the previous days activities.
I love my kids with EVERYTHING in me, but they aren't me.
They will grow and move on with their lives and what will I be left with?
I find myself itching to just be me again, but sometimes life is just easier being lost in the kids worlds.
I used to have an identity now I am just Kylie or Madilyn's mommy.
I flinch at the very idea of adding MORE activities into our already HECTIC schedule.
My passions are fading, my eagerness to do anything other than kid duties have drifted and I'm left empty and surrounded by the things that make me a mother.
As summer is rolling quickly into fall I have made a decision to slowly do ONE thing a day that I enjoy doing for the sake of my sanity.
Going out one on one with friends, taking walks (which the kids can do with me!), searching and making new recipes that are healthy and mostly organic, finding new books to read, date nights with MY husband and getting back in my work out routine.
These things are vital for my sanity and I really want to make more time for me.
My mommy confession may seem silly to some and others of you will be shaking your head vigorously knowing, all along, that I have been smothered in motherhood duties.
If you know me you know, the minute I knew I was carrying them, I was their mother and nothing else mattered.
If I can do this one thing for me, I do believe I will be a better mommy for it.
And as much as I love being known as Kylie and Madilyn's mommy.
I also want to be remembered and known as me.
It is so easy to focus everything on kids. I didn't realize that until about a year ago, which is why I started volunteering, reading again, and doing Pilates.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are going to start doing more of your own hobbies. Definitely let me know if you find any good, organic recipes. I love trying new recipes. Just not very good at searching them out. :)
We need to go out just one on one again. We could shop, eat, talk WHATEVER.
DeleteI think every parent goes through this at some point. Kids are raised in a healthy home when their parents are happy with themselves. If they have to be watched by a sitter occasionally so their parents are able to spend one on one time together, they're going to benefit from that as well (not to mention it breaks up the monotony for them as well.)
ReplyDeleteI fell in love with a girl long ago that was full of personality and had interests of her own. We were always running around together, constantly doing things and having fun. A lot of that changes when you become responsible for kids, but you can't lose yourself completely.
Let me know when you want to do something with a friend or whatever. I'll gladly support you doing things for yourself. You deserve it. :)
Yea once upon a time you fell in love with a girl. So much changes with time...even that once upon a time love.
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