Trapped inside my head

Will I ever move beyond the mistakes I have made? 

I fall short time and time again 

Will my failures always define me? 

Will I ever find my way? 

There’s no way out 

Trapped inside my head 

Fighting to be heard 

Demanding to be seen 

Aching…

Breathing… 

And off I go 

Is there life after death? 

Anybody waiting for me? 

I disappeared in the night 

Screamed…

And nothing changed 

Will I always feel this pain?

Determined to fill this hole?  

I’m my biggest danger to myself

Wandering alone in the night

Searching…

Is there life after death? 

Or…

Just darkness

Just me and the stars

Will there ever be a time I don’t feel like this? 

Frustrated, attacked, burdened, worn

Sometimes there’s just so much to feel 

I’ll choose not to feel anything at all 

So tired of chasing shadows that weren’t meant to be caught

So tired of holding secrets that aren’t meant to be kept 

Tired of searching ways to numb the scars on my heart

Why must I be so self destructive? 

Why do I make the wrong decision every time? 

A happy dagger turns into guilt

An innocent joint turns to much more  

So tired of bleeding 

So tired of screaming 

But mostly I’m tired of hiding

Sharing secrets with the bottle 

Chasing insipid dreams while the moon laughs 

Staring into the mouth of the universe 

Just me and the stars 

 

An itch to be anywhere but here

 An itch to be anywhere but here 

Running but not quite sure from what 

Sad that the ones who are supposed to care have disappointed again

Felt disposable because you were never around 

All I wanted was for you to be around 

I’ve got an itch to be anywhere but here 

Spread my wings and soar far away from this place 

Feeling ready to take on this world 

Leaving history behind  

I turn the pages to rewrite my story 

I close the book on the pain from my past 

Headstrong that I can face another day 

Rewriting my future to fill the hole inside of me  

I’ve got an itch to be anywhere but here 

Spread my wings and soar far away from this place 

Feeling ready to take on this world 

Leaving history behind  

I have never been alone even though I’ve felt it in my veins 

I have never been left in the darkest places without you coming after me 

I’ve always been running and you’ve always been right behind chasing me 

Letting me find out who I am without letting me fall

I’ve got an itch to be anywhere but here 

Spread my wings and soar far away from this place 

Feeling ready to take on this world 

Leaving history behind 

My deepest regret is not sticking around 

Filling this void with the things of the world 

There is so much beauty here 

Sometimes I forget to really look 

I’ve got an itch to be anywhere but here 

Spread my wings and soar far away from this place 

Feeling ready to take on this world 

Leaving history behind 

In the end I’ll keep running because it is what I do best 

Spiraling out of control when my emotions aren’t checked 

I just keep running because there will never be an escape 

I keep going because I’m trying to get away from this place 

I’ve got an itch to be anywhere but here 

Spread my wings and soar far away from this place 

Feeling ready to take on this world 

I’ll leave my history behind me 

The only thing I’m running away from is me 

The only thing I’m running away from is me 

The only thing I’m running away from is me 

And it’s not your job to save me from myself 

By Design

 We were all created by design 

I often wonder what design was meant for me 

I have wandered aimlessly for a long time 

Searching for that spark inside of me 

Everyone around me has already flown 

My wings have felt heavy 

Taken a look deep inside to find 

Emptiness

Loneliness

Sadness 

Had given up on myself a long time ago 

Just waiting for the end 

But I don’t have to be finished yet 

I can just end this chapter and write a new one

Challenge myself to find peace

To stop being so

Restless 

Aimless

Pointless 

To take what was never given to me 

Everyone was created by design 

Just takes some of us longer to find it 

No Happy Endings

 In the middle of the chaos I learned to blend in early 

There was never enough energy to go around 

I’d slip right through the cracks

Never held accountable for my mistakes 

Never learned life lessons 

Everyone was growing 

I was staying the same

No growth, no understanding, no motivation 

Haven’t healed from the crippling anxiety 

Haven’t come to terms with the failures 

Wasn’t one to break the mold 

Only the one to stir up the trouble so someone could understand what was going on inside 

Fight or flight and I flew like the wind 

Haven’t turned back and I’m still running 

Cuts to explain the pain 

Weed to fog my brain 

There’s just a hole and everyone can see through me 

The thing that is missing 

 It’s always been a part of me 

 Never knowing what felt safe

Just wanting someone to understand me 

Understand my fucked up mind 

Understand what I can’t even see 

There are those people that just keep spiraling 

There’s got to be an end 

Maybe, somehow, there’s a happy ending for me after all