Ruined

I am… 

the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit 

the fury that turns into rage 

the darkness that consumes light  

the wound that never heals 

I am…

the shards of glass from a broken mirror

the dead battery when you got somewhere important to be 

the scab you continue to pick and bleed 

the sadness that comes with the end 

I am…

the high that wears off right before reality 

the end of the road with nowhere to go 

the split path with no explanation 

the black of night with no shining stars to guide the way

I am… 

forever disappointing 

seven years of bad luck 

the flat tire in the pouring rain 

crashing waves that suck you under 

I will…

Fight 

Flight 

Scream

I am…

Fucked 

Wicked 

Ruined 

When you realize the stars will never align for you and it causes a hurricane within

Tumbling waves 

Crashing to shore 

Message in a bottle 

…Floating away 

The further it goes 

The farther I fall 

Swimming against the current 

Down towards the soggy sand 

Sharpened edges 

Tangled in a web of seaweed 

The air becomes strained 

Salt water starts to blind 

And the tiny sliver of light 

Fades away 

Wars to lose

 It’s hard to make a coherent thought with all this shit in my head. 

Trying to heal from all the scars on my soul. 

But, really, nothing is ever perfect. 

There’s always gotta be battles to fight.

Wars to lose.

No matter the struggle, no matter the sin. 

Fallen like a wounded angel. 

Making the same stupid choice - only a different day. 

Trying to untether myself from all the things I’ve gotten wrapped up in.

The person I’ve never wanted to be. 

Can’t disappoint anyone if you set your standards low. 

Weaved in and out, always crossed the line. 

Toes first - then I plunged. 

One step forward and thirty steps back has always been the name of my game.

I don’t write this for sympathy. 

I don’t write this for compassion.

I simply write - to get out of my head. 

Another wound to the heart - Another fading scar. 

Round and round it loops on repeat. 

Never letting go.

Never getting past the beginning.

This story has already been written.

The chapters are all the same.

Inching towards the end - the outcome is gonna be unbearable. 

But, maybe, perhaps, I can claw my way out. 

Find the surface and pull myself out of the darkest parts of my brain. 

Find a shred of light before it’s snuffed out again. 

Make headway before the cycle repeats. 

But…

 It’s hard to make a coherent thought with all this shit in my head. 

Unreliable

My body is not my own. 

Or that’s how I often feel. 

I won’t transform into a butterfly. 

Something so vivid and beautiful. 

Untouched. 

Wild flowers handpicked with love.  

My garden overgrown.

Stuck in the space between past and reality. 

Undone. 

Two damaged hearts finding each other.

Transformation.

One beat.

One breath. 

An inward battle constantly fought.

There’s always gotta be a loser.

Incomplete.

My thoughts run on for someone else to mock.

Do you even hear me? 

Can you even see me?

We once thought we would conquer the world.

We couldn’t even conquer the turmoil within. 

Can’t numb this fucking feeling. 

No amount of regret will help. 

Unreliable. 

Everything you’ve ever known about me. 

Is a lie. 

Unleashed. 

The damage is done. 

Panic

 Dark spaces. 

Trapped.

 Loss of control.

Body shaking.

Breath catching.

I feel like I’m six feet under.

I’m gonna die tonight. 

Losing sight. 

Flying high.

There’s nowhere to turn.

Nowhere to go.

Hanging off the edge. 

You shoved me over. 

I think I just may die tonight.