Tumbling waves
Crashing to shore
Message in a bottle
…Floating away
The further it goes
The farther I fall
Swimming against the current
Down towards the soggy sand
Sharpened edges
Tangled in a web of seaweed
The air becomes strained
Salt water starts to blind
And the tiny sliver of light
Fades away
It’s hard to make a coherent thought with all this shit in my head.
Trying to heal from all the scars on my soul.
But, really, nothing is ever perfect.
There’s always gotta be battles to fight.
Wars to lose.
No matter the struggle, no matter the sin.
Fallen like a wounded angel.
Making the same stupid choice - only a different day.
Trying to untether myself from all the things I’ve gotten wrapped up in.
The person I’ve never wanted to be.
Can’t disappoint anyone if you set your standards low.
Weaved in and out, always crossed the line.
Toes first - then I plunged.
One step forward and thirty steps back has always been the name of my game.
I don’t write this for sympathy.
I don’t write this for compassion.
I simply write - to get out of my head.
Another wound to the heart - Another fading scar.
Round and round it loops on repeat.
Never letting go.
Never getting past the beginning.
This story has already been written.
The chapters are all the same.
Inching towards the end - the outcome is gonna be unbearable.
But, maybe, perhaps, I can claw my way out.
Find the surface and pull myself out of the darkest parts of my brain.
Find a shred of light before it’s snuffed out again.
Make headway before the cycle repeats.
But…
It’s hard to make a coherent thought with all this shit in my head.
My body is not my own.
Or that’s how I often feel.
I won’t transform into a butterfly.
Something so vivid and beautiful.
Untouched.
Wild flowers handpicked with love.
My garden overgrown.
Stuck in the space between past and reality.
Undone.
Two damaged hearts finding each other.
Transformation.
One beat.
One breath.
An inward battle constantly fought.
There’s always gotta be a loser.
Incomplete.
My thoughts run on for someone else to mock.
Do you even hear me?
Can you even see me?
We once thought we would conquer the world.
We couldn’t even conquer the turmoil within.
Can’t numb this fucking feeling.
No amount of regret will help.
Unreliable.
Everything you’ve ever known about me.
Is a lie.
Unleashed.
The damage is done.
Dark spaces.
Trapped.
Loss of control.
Body shaking.
Breath catching.
I feel like I’m six feet under.
I’m gonna die tonight.
Losing sight.
Flying high.
There’s nowhere to turn.
Nowhere to go.
Hanging off the edge.
You shoved me over.
I think I just may die tonight.
I’m Worn.
Hoping for a different outcome.
I’m broken.
Hiding it to the best of my abilities.
I’m tired.
But I have to keep going.
I’m lost.
Just hoping to find my way.
I’m afraid.
Things haven’t come easy.
I’m changing.
Things are better left unsaid.
